Who's a pretty bishop, then?

[24/07/98 - A.N. Wilson - Web - http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/dynamic/news/story.html?in_review_id=63580&in_review_text_id=49165]

There has been very deep hurt in the bestialist community since an intemperate outburst by an African bishop at the Lambeth conference. "Why don't we discuss bestiality if we're going to discuss homosexuality?" asked this bigot. 

A spokesperson for EBA - the Evangelical Bestialist Alliance - said: "We Christian bestialists are feeling marginalised by the bishops. "From Adam and Eve naming the beasts, to Noah who took them into the Ark, the Scriptures are in fact full of stories about man-beast relationships. "As a matter of fact, however, as Christians we seldom if ever enter into same-sex relationships with other species. Indeed, we think of homosexuality as a sin." 

Jim Thompson, the Bishop of Bath and Wells, has called for tolerance of bestialists, adding that when he was bishop of Stepney he had a devoted churchwarden who was in a stable relationship with a gorilla. Many bestialists in the US say that the animal partners of Christians, particularly when they are ordained, feel "excluded". 

Not all American Anglicans can accept the consecration of a cockatoo as the Assistant Bishop of Indianapolis, but Bishop Polly, as she is called, whose partner Tom is also an Anglican bishop, has promised that she will have some forthright words to say when she addresses the conference next week during the Feminist Spirituality Forum. The Archbishop of Canterbury was not available for comment yesterday, but a spokesperson for the Roman Catholic Church denied that kittens, puppies and hamsters in the "care" of nuns and priests had suffered any form of abuse. 

The Pope, according to the Vatican representative for animal affairs, Cardinal Fido Alsatiano, has no plans to ordain either animals or their partners. Indeed, the Holy Father deems it "a grave sin" to have raised Bishop Polly of Indianapolis to the sacred purple, and has declared her orders to be Absolutely Null and Void.