Howard Stern FAQ [Frequently Asked Questions]

Who is Howard Stern?

(Frequently heard from NONUS folks - people who live in the US have no more excuse for not having heard of Howard than they have for not having heard of O.J. Simpson.)

Howard Stern is a radio personality. He came to national attention in the USA while working in New York, and currently resides there. He also had a syndicated TV show, and an interview show on the E Network (a US Based cable channel), which was recently nominated for a cable 'Ace' award. Currently, E carries a half hour edited version of his radio program, but with pictures. His New Years Rotten Eve PPV event (New Year's Eve 1993-New Year's Day 1994) was the highest grossing non-sports PPV event ever recorded, although some reporters are trying to rewrite that history.

He is frequently labeled a 'shock jock'. Your immediate thought might be, "Oh, like xxxxxx (insert name of local shock jock in wherever you are)." No, xxxxxx is like Howard Stern. Howard has been around for years, he is well known, and chances are that this week xxxxxx is doing whatever Howard was doing last week. If xxxxxx has the balls. And more and more people, throughout the country, are finding this out, as they watch his show, or listen to him in syndication.

Howard has made many TV appearances, including multiple appearances on Jay Leno's Tonight Show, and The David Letterman Show, and the short-lived Magic Hour, as well as a smattering of the daytime talk shows. He has starred in a movie, which was based on his best selling book Private Parts, and has written another book, Howard Stern, Miss America.

How do I contact Howard Stern?

Howard's current phone number (F Tom) is (800) 44-STERN (78376) - This is a National Toll-Free Line.
(212) 246-KROCK (5762) - Request Line - new studio, new line.
(212) 314-9322 - K-Rock Main Number
(212) 314-9340 - Stern Show Fax Number

What station does Howard Stern's TV show play on in my area?

Howard's original TV show (referred to as the "Channel 9 Show" was in reruns), and is now off of the air. Depending on who you listen to, it was cancelled, or Howard quit. I personally believe (and heard this version, once, on-the-air) that WWOR Channel 9 wanted Howard to do it for the same money he got the prior year, and Howard wanted a bigger budget and more money. Channel 9 folks decided that they couldn't give Howard more money and make any money on the show, they wanted to cut the budget. So Channel 9 executives wanted to put themselves in a good light by claiming that they fired Howard and made such an announcement.

If you get the E! Network on cable or satellite, you should now be able to get Howard's edited radio show.

Howard's new CBS TV show is on the air in many areas. It may or may not be on in your area, and it may not be on CBS. It is supposed to be on at 11:30 PM on Saturday against Saturday Night Live, but this is not true in all areas. Check your local listings. The www.eyemark.com web site is not up as I write this so I can't provide an official web pointer. If you have not seen his new CBS/Eyemark show, it is basically just like the E! show, except that it is a compilation of the week's radio show.

No, I can't take it. I have to have Howard on my TV. Is there any way?

Other than the E! show, or swapping old videotapes, if the Eyemark show is not on in your area, you are out of luck. E! is on at least one of the new 18" dish services, so if your cable company doesn't carry E at night, you may be able to get his show that way. Check on this yourself before spending $200 to get a dish, and IRD. Howard has never marketed the Channel 9 show on Video.

Where can Howard be received on the Radio?

New York City, NY: Currently, he broadcasts, daily, from WXRK, K-Rock, 92.3 FM from New York City. This signal is good enough to cover most of New York City and the surrounding areas.
Philadelphia, PA: This signal is simulcast in Philadelphia (WYSP-FM, 94.1). This was Howard's second station.
Baltimore, MD: In Baltimore Howard can be heard on WJFK-AM 1300.
Washington, DC: In Washington, DC (WJFK-FM, 106.7 FM, actually from Manassas, VA, so the signal may not be good in the northern suburbs), broadcasts the show.
Los Angeles, CA: In Los Angeles, the signal is simulcast from 3 AM - 6 AM and then rebroadcast on tape delay when morning drive starts. The LA times and frequency are: 97.1 FM KLSX from 3 to 6am live, and then tape delayed from 6 to 11am.
Pittsburgh, PA: Howard is on in Pittsburgh, PA, the X, WXDX, 105.9.
Las Vegas, NV: Howard is on is in Las Vegas on KXTE, 107.5.
Cleveland, OH: Cleveland is now enlighened by Howard on WNCX 98.5.
Reno, NV: Reno, Nevada can get Howard on KRZQ 100.9.
Chicago, IL: Chicago has the most complicated story. First, Howard was on AM. Those scum wimped on Howard's contract and tried to use his FCC troubles to get out of paying penalties. Then he was on FM. These folks paid the contract penalties. Then he was on AM (WJJD) for a few weeks, and now he seems to have settled into a morning slot on WCKG-FM 105.9, with Steve Dahl on in the afternoons. This is, in my opinion, the best talk spot on the Chicago radio dial. Note that WLUP (Howard's first AM Chicago outlet) settled with the FCC and paid a reduced fine. As part of the settlement, the FCC has agreed to issue specific indecency guidelines. According to rumors, any settlement of this sort may have been another violation of the contract they signed with Infinity and Howard. Howard has more clearly spelled this out: It was a violation of the contract that they had with Howard. Firing him was fine, but there was a buyout that they may have had to pay.
Albany, NY: In upstate New York, Howard is on 103.9 & 103.5 FM (Q104 - WQBK) in Albany.
Rochester, NY: Further upstate, In Rochester, NY you can listen to Howard and the gang on (WNVE 95.1/95.5). The link is to a fan page.
Syracuse, NY: In Syracuse, smega-dildo heads can turn their radio to WAQX, 96.7.
Memphis, TN: Memphis: Congratulations on your entry to the Howard Stern listening family. WMPS 92.9 is now carrying the Howard Stern Show.
York, PA: Howard Stern on in York, PA on WQXA 105.7. Their web site is lame and frequently doesn't work.
Austin, TX: In Austin, TX, Howard is on KJFK, 98.9.
Boston, MA: In Boston, Howard is on 104.1 WBCN. He has moved to mornings.
Myrtle Beach, NC: Myrtle Beach (WYAV - 104.1) is graced with Howard's presense.
Orlando, FL: Orlando, Florida listens to Howard Stern on "Real Radio" (WTKS 104.1) (I'm goin to Disneyworld!) The folks at WTKS say that their station reaches Cocoa Beach as well, And I've heard it, a little scratchy, in Boca, so this gives you a solid Howard Ride from somewhere north of Cocoa Beach to the Keys, all down 95 and the turnpike - 104.1 -> 105.9. Well, on some days, anyway.
Miami, FL/Ft. Lauderdale, FL: And finally, the one that really matters to me, since I live in Boca Raton now: 105.9 WBGG "Howard Stern in the morning, 70's rock all day" (see http://www.big106fm.com), which comes booming in all through Miami, Ft. Lauderdale, as far south as the Northern Keys, and as far north as West Palm Beach. I'd also expect coverage in the nearer Bahama islands, such as Bimini and Freeport, at least with a roof antenna. So now Howard has two foreign markets: Mexico and The Bahamas. And, most likely, Cuba.
Panama City, FL: There is some chance that a true Howard fan would be stuck in Panama City on a weekday morning. In that case, they could entertain themselves by listening to WYYX, 97.7 FM. (Formerly WTTB, they don't seem to have a web site - which may actually be an improvement over most of the lame web sites that Howard's affiliates have...)
San Diego, CA: San Diego: Tiajuana has stations which broadcast in English to Southern California, specifically the San Diego area. San Diego has stations that broadcast in Spanish. I don't get it. Tiajuana's call sign used to be XTRA-FM (Mexican stations have call signs that begin with X) at 91.1 on your dial. Howard moved to KIOZ-FM Rock 105.3 in late April or early May, 1997. This is a US station, and promises better coverage in the San Diego area, since the transmitter location is a bit better.
Phoenix, AZ: Howard's 20th market is Phoenix, Arizona, where he can be heard on KEDJ/KHOT, on 106.3 or 100.3 depending on which side of town you are on.
Fresno, CA: In Fresno, you don't have to be bored in the mornings. KFRR, 104.1 is a Howard Stern outlet.
Grand Rapids, MI: Grand Rapids, Michigan residents, transients, and illegal aliens can listen to Howard stern on WKLQ, 94.5.
Hartford, CT: Hartford, Connecticut listens to Howard on WCCC-AM, 1290, and WCCC-FM 106.9.
Columbus, OH: Columbus Ohio can hear Howard on The Blitz! - WBZX,-FM 99.7.
Toledo, OH: Saturday night in Toledo Ohio may be like being nowhere at all, but on Weekday mornings, people in Toledo can listen on WBUZ, 106.5 FM and ignore the jokes about scales and Danny Thomas.
Wilkes-Barre, PA: Working in the Coal mines? Listen to Howard on WZMT 97.9 & WKQV 95.7 FM.
Norfolk, VA: In Norfolk, you can pick up Howard's morning show on WKOC 93.7 and this is important to the folks from Richmond, Virginia, who used to be able to listen on WVGO. Howard was pushed off of the air there. But in many parts of town, with the right roof antenna, you can pick up Howard's show.
Detroit, MI: Howard anchors the morning spot on WKRK 97.1 FM (formerly WYST-FM) (97.1). Imus was banished to AM by Howard's arrival.
Ft. Meyers, FL/Naples, FL: The Howard Stern can be heard in the sleepy tourist/agricultural area in southwestern Florida on WRXK-FM, 96.1.
Charlotte, NC: In Charlotte, North Carolina, the queen city, the 37th largest radio market in the US, Howard can be heard on WXRC-FM (95.7) radio.
New Orleans, LA: Tired of bad dixieland jazz? (As if there were good dixieland jazz.) Listen to Howard Stern on KKND 106.7 FM.
Fayetville, NC.: Those of you unfortunate enough to be stuck in Fayetville will be able to conquer your boredom by listening to Howard on WRCQ 103.5 FM.
Fort Meyers, FL: While laying on the beack in Ft. Meyers, FL, listen to Howard on WRXK 96.1 FM.
Louisville, KY: I was once told that Louisville, Kentucky was the easiest city in the country to get laid in. I don't know if that is true, but if it is, then Howard will fit in on WTFX 100.5 FM.
Davenport, IA: Davenport? KORB 93.5 FM.
Indianapolis, IN: WNAP 93.1 FM. Ooooo. A Raft Race!
Charleston, SC: Almost to Atlanta! WAVF 96.1 FM.
Portland, OR: The northwest will never be the same. Listen on KUFO 101.1 FM
Providence, RI: WWKX 106.1 & 102.7 FM. The state is so small that the station has no room for a web page.
St. Louis, MO: No web page here either. Maybe they are too busy riverboat gambling. Listen on WXTM 104.1 FM.
Bloomington/Normal, IL: Normal? Check WIHN 96.9 FM if you want Normal!
Peoria, IL: It plays in Peoria on WFXF 94.3 FM.
Burlington, VT: The Lake Champlain monster listens on WIZN 106.7 FM. This may be an alternative for some Canadian listeners. Radio Free Canada!
Minneapolis-St. Paul, MN: If you are so cold you can see your breath on the fourth of July, there is a good chance you can get Howard on WRQC 100.3 FM (Formerly WBOB-FM), Real Rock 100, 100.3. Used to be Country.
San Francisco, CA: Alex Bennet's old, station, KITS 105.3 FM, has finally gotten a morning man that will compete.
Madison. WI: Say? Does anyone know how to Madison? Howard does, on WTLX 100.5 FM.
Cape Cod, MA: Vacationing in Cape Cod? Listen to Howard on WPXC-FM 102.9, Pixie 103.

Where Howard's show isn't.

Howard is not on shortwave unless someone is pirating his stuff. AM is Medium Wave (MW) for you nonus folks.

Realaudio: 91X had a Realaudio broadcast of Howard's program for a few months, on and off, some time ago. They no longer carry Howard on Realaudio. Frankly, Howard has said that he doesn't want to be on the Internet - he wants to be on the radio in the local markets. This seems to be a CBS policy as well. If you find an accidental realaudio broadcast, keep it quiet - or it will be quashed.

WWKB from Buffalo, NY (1520 AM) no longer carries Howard.They went country. The whole show could have been picked up in Toronto, Canada, on a car radio, so with the loss of the Toronto station, this cuts out Canadian fans.

Howard is no longer on WVGO, Richmond. Don't shop at Ukrops. The Norfolk station is gone as well. I suggest you move to a good part of your state. Hint: Not Roanoke.

Howard claims that many more stations would carry him but for the FCC's vendetta against him, and has specifically mentioned Jesse Helms and Atlanta.

El Paso, Texas (KROD AM 600), no longer carries Howard, but no one seems to care.

Dallas TX: Nationwide Insurance bought KEGL, fired Howard, and then sold the station. Go figure. Buy your insurance elsewhere.

Toronto has pulled the plug. The publicity from the Eyemark TV show caused them to drop the TV show and the Radio show, too.

San Jose, CA should be able to pick up the San Francisco outlet.

West Palm Beach: They were a country station with Howard...and they decided that it didn't work. The area they served is mostly covered by the Fort Lauderdale station. The signal is just not as good.

What else can you do?

There are folks around who record Howard's show every day. If you want it bad enough, you'll get one of them to record it for you.

Someone is posting realaudio of the show to alt.fan.howard-stern.binaries every day. They are recording off the New York outlet (so that they get the live commercials from WXRK) at 16 kb/sec, and it is about 35 meg a day.

Finally, you may be able to get Howard on cable. Several of these stations have satellite uplinks (including WXRK) and your cable company may rebroadcast them on the FM band, perhaps at a different frequency. Consult your cable company for information about hooking your FM receiver to your cable.

If your reception is marginal, a top flight receiver and a rooftop antenna that you can aim at the station may be what you need. Consult your local stereo store.

For another station list including call-in numbers and so forth, check out this url:
http://www.animaux.net/stern/stations.html
http://www.koam.com/list.html or
http://www.jackiejokeman.com/station1.html

I'm not in any of those places. Is there a satellite feed for WXRK?

No, not that can be picked up with consumer equipment. WXRK used to be broadcast by SCPC on Hughes Galaxy 2 channel 03, at about 57.5, according to Mark Geyman. WXRK's uplink is now in digital form, and can't be received as SCPC anymore.

This is the best info I have about decoding Howard's satellite feed, and is pure hearsay. I saw it on rec.video.satellite a couple of years ago:

Well if you work at a radio station, and have an extra selector on your sedat card your not using, you can pick up Stern on Satcom C5 Transponder 23 SEDAT channel 15. Stern airs from 6a to Noon I believe.
I've seen another posting saying that it is channel 14.

I have also heard that the company that makes these decoders will sell one to anyone, and I've heard that it is not scrambled, just encoded, so with the right $4000? $10000? decoder, and a dish, you can pick Howard up. Ask on one of the satellite groups. There is some difference of opinion as to whether you just need the decoder, or whether you also need to pay WXRK for a key to their feed. I've heard both on the net. Find out for sure before you invest. I've also heard that you need a key, and that WXRK will not release the key, so you are out of luck.

How can one be expected to figure out who is who among the regulars on the show?

Listen for a while. Want to take a shortcut? Here is an effort to explain:

Howard Stern: The head of the asylum. The ruler of the roost, the King on NY Radio, and All Media, and other points.
Robin Quivers: Howard's sidekick. Officially his news reporter, she is also the confidant and instigator in many cases, and also (occasionally) feeds him lines from the privacy of her news studio. She has a button on her console that she can push so that her microphone is directly connected to Howard's headphones, and she isn't heard by guests or listeners. Her news reports normally consist of reading the paper, and a few things that are put together by her interns. None the less, the news reports are frequently the most entertaining part of the show, as Howard comments on everything. Robin happens to be black. On Whoopi Goldberg's first live appearance on the show, Whoopi looked at Robin, did a double take, and mouthed so that she couldn't be heard on the air, "You're Black!" Robin looked at herself, and nodded agreement. Whoopi pointed at the microphone, and mouthed, "Do they know?"; Robin has a book out now, Quivers: A Life. Rumor has it that it was "remaindered in place" which means that it should be available at a substantial discount, if you can find it. But whether you have to buy it at full price or get it at a significant discount, but it and read it - it will give you an insight into the woman that plays Robin Quivers on the air. It is also available on tape, read by Robin herself.
Fred Norris, King of Mars: Fred handles sound effects (paints) and also keeps the show on schedule. When Howard started broadcasting in NY, frequently he would just push off the commercials for an hour. Now that they are syndicated, he has to take breaks at regular intervals. Fred cracks the whip. He is on the writing team. Fred also does voices for the occasional (these days) radio 'movie' and as the Nazi (Kurt Valdheim, Jr) in the 'Guess who's the Jew' bits. Fred also does song parodies, and is a reasonably talented musician. He is now in a band. Robin frequently reads extremely gory, tragic news stories, and Fred will play a sound effect of Jackie laughing at the most tragic point.
Jackie The Jokeman Martling: Jackie is a comic who never quite made it big, notably because his standup isn't very good IMHO. He writes full time for the Howard Stern show, and makes a fair bit of money doing local appearances as well, pushed by plugs from the show. One wonders when he sleeps. Maybe during the show. I originally wrote this quite a while back, and since then, I've thought about this a bit. I still don't think Jackie is a very good stand-up comedian, but I've gained new respect for him as a writer. Jackie's main job, during the show, is not to take abuse, but to write spontaneous jokes on a piece of paper with a sharpee and pass them to Howard. He has incessant problems with his fingernails and toenails. You may hear references to 'fingercots' or 'miniature rubbers on his fingers' in connection with Jackie. A while back, it was announced that this was because he uses medication for fingernail fungus on his fingers which he holds in place with fingercots, which look like miniature condoms, and are essentially independent latex fingers from latex gloves with circular rims, like condoms, to reinforce the open end. More recently, I've heard it announced that it was because he is allergic to paper, and since he needs to handle paper on the show (to throw at guests and pass notes to Howard). +1 516 922 WINE gets you a schedule of his upcoming appearances, and it is a normal toll call (no 900 style surcharge) but has a few ads, and a few jokes. There is more than 30 minutes of material on the new all-digital line. He is also on the writing team, as the head writer. Jackie gets two plugs a day, by contract, and also, because of his contract, you didn't see his face on the E show for a short while when E first started taping, although this seems to have been long resolved. Jackie will sell you his latest comedy album by phone. Call 1-800-323-KING. And, yes, Jackie did take a dump in the Stanley Cup. His web pages can be accessed through http://jackiejokeman.com/.; Jackie is also back to doing the page of jokes in Penthouse Magazine.; Timmy the Cat was Jackie's pet. Timmy escaped through what was widely believed to be a door that was carelessly left open. Timmy was never found again. The expression, "F--- Jackie, and f--- the dead skull of Timmy the Cat!" comes from this incident.
Gary (Baba Booey) Dell'Abate: The show's producer. He arranges guests, insures that the office part of the show gets done, and so forth. For those of you who've read Gulliver, he is also Howard's chief flapper - he is generally the one who makes the judgment as to whether or not someone speaks to Howard when they call up with a beef. He is called Baba Booey after his mispronunciation of Baba Looey, Quick Draw McGraw's sidekick on the Hanna-Barbera cartoon show. He was buying animation cels, and didn't know how to pronounce the name of the character, despite professing fandom. Gary does occasional personal appearances, for which he gets plugs (but not many any more, since he got married). Gary is married. Despite predictions, some of them mine, he is still Baba Booey. He was making noise about registering Bababooey as a trademark. He is famous for the 'repeat after me' bit. These days, he is also 'Fa-fa'fooey, ma-ma-monkey, sa-sa-smelley, ra-ra-retard (which he hates) and so forth. He recently fathered a baby booey, named Jackson. He is hassled about his personal habits, his breath, and his weight.
John (Stuttering John) Melandez: Hero of the stupid. He was paid in notoriety [he is now getting a salary] (he gets to plug his band appearances and occasional personal appearances, and has gotten a record contract because of his connections, which did not go to far. John has been signed by Atlantic Records, did a record which wasn't too bad but wasn't so good as to break out). and is typically sent out to interview celebrities, although more recently, he has become so notorious that it is hard to get him in anywhere. So he mostly works in the office as a secondary flapper.
Scott the Engineer: Scott mixes tapes, inserts the bleeps so that you can still hear the cursing in the background, and is hapless when it comes to fixing the console. He is employed by WXRK as Chief Engineer, and he is in the Union. He is making additional money because he gets a daily plug, which he has tried to use to build up a DJ business/network. He provides canned music for parties, weddings (Gary was married and used Scott's service, Rocket Entertainment) and so forth. This is good, because Scott smokes like a chimney and I wouldn't want him at one of my parties. +1-718-BAG-5040. He is bald, and smokes like he wants to die. Considering the amount of harassment he gets from Howard, it is not suprising that he wants to die. Fans pay Scott to show up so that they can make fun of him.
Gorilla (Steve Grillo, but they call him Gorilla on the show): Gorilla is an intern who wants to be a radio personality someday, but who first needs to learn how to talk in English. Listen for him in "Best Of" as Gunga Din. He also hunts, much to Howard's amusement.
Robin's News Interns: We almost never hear about Robin's news interns.
Billy West: Billy West, the voice of Ren and Stimpy, used to do three days a week on Howard's show, doing various voices. I believe, for example, that he did Marge Shott (see the sound archive) and did 'Red', and 'Evil Jay'. Billy added a lot to the show, but rarely spoke as himself. When he did, he seemed to be funnier than Jackie. His impression of Larry Fine at Woodstock is classic.; At this point, Billy is history on the Howard Stern show. The answer I've heard Howard give a caller was, "Billy walked in my office one day, and told me he was going to California." I think that the amount of voice work that Billy could get finally exceeded the amount of money Billy got by working three days a week on the Stern show, and that he thought he no longer needed the exposure. Also, I suspect that there is a lot more voice work in California than New York. Who knows how much Billy had been flying recently. Billy did add a lot, but there is plenty of show without him. You'll probably hear him on "Best of Stern" someday.
Vic: [Obsolete] Stuttering Vic was a new character on the show. He is of Indian (the subcontinent) ancestry, and has admitted on the show that his mother has worn a dot on her head. Howard appeared to be grooming Vic to take over John's interviewing Job, but, IMHO, Vic didn't appear to get it. It also looks like Vic has had his 15 minutes of fame - he hasn't been on the air for quite a while. He was in a recent "Best Of".
Ralph Cirella: Ralph Cirella is Howard Stern's hairdresser, makeup man, and so forth. He chooses clothes for Howard (or has done so in the past) and generally follows him around. He is known for his haplessness, long hair, the berry on his face, and for generally being a loser. He has been fighting with Gary and John lately. Ralph has failed, miserably, a lie detector test which was supposed to see if he was gay.
Tom Chiusano (Cheapasano): I think it is inevitable that Howard will attract a bad general manager. Tom seems to never negotiate an operating budget for the show which actually meets the needs of the show, and then seems to argue about why simple things can't be done. Recent incidents include, "The Sound System", "The Phone System", "Robin's AP News Feed", and so forth. Tom is also blamed for many of the 'finger on the button' incidents.
Crackhead Bob: Crackhead Bob is a guy who did some crack. He did a lot of crack, and then he had a stroke. As is typical with some stroke, victims, he has some communication difficulties. He hlso has some cognitive disabilities - he can't really tell time, and he can't repeat. He also makes a great anti-drug spokesman, and you can book him by calling Gary. He is in Howard's new movie. And how fair can that be? If you don't get Howard, think about this: Even Crackhead Bob gets it.
Nicolle Bass: I'm undecided as to whether to put Nicolle in as a regular or a Whack packer. She (I saw the nude pics of her topless that were pirated out of the studio - her breasts are female) is a body builder who makes money wrestling guys who want to be dominated by strong women. The controversy is as to her sexuality. She was on the New Year's Rotten Eve pageant Howard did a number of years ago. Howard thinks she looks like a man, Robin went into the bathroom to look at Nicolle's private parts and said tha tthey looked female but abnormal. She is now being genetically tested.
The Whack Pack: The 'Whack Pack' consists of Stern fans who (sometimes) hang around together, occasionally get on the show, and so forth. These include people like Fred the Elephant Boy, who has a speech impediment, Captain Janks, who makes phony phone calls, Celeste, who dragged one leg (rarely heard from anymore), Siovhan (pronounced chivonne or [almost] chiffon) the transvestite, who has quit crossing over and was squatting in a New York City owned building, and is now rarely heard from, Kenneth Keith Kallenbach (KKK), a loon who tried to blow smoke from his eyes on the TV show, and so forth. Some of these folks have tried to parlay their notoriety into careers: Janks has an CD of phony phone calls out, Fred makes appearances with wrestlers, KKK is trying to get a comedy career together, and has done some pornos, and so forth. The Whack Pack is not as popular as it once was, but we still hear from Fred and Janks frequently.; There are some new fans on the scene, who get together in the Prodigy chat rooms, perhaps hoping for a Howard appearance. One of these is Uzo Candybabe, who thinks that Howard is her god and that, at some level, all women are prostitutes. She has made several on-air appearances, and is in the In Howard We Trust video documentary about the San Francisco book signing. She has a web page which details some of her exploits, including her cable show, tapes, and 900 number.

How can you listen to someone who is as racist/homophobic/anti-woman/etc. as Howard Stern?

You just don't get it, do you? Howard is none of those things, in spades: He is an equal opportunity denigrator. Sooner or later he will kick one of your sacred cows in the balls, to mix metaphors in an udderly improbable manner. But he is still very funny. Someone on this newsgroup once said that a lot of Howard's humor comes from the sort of attitude that says, "Look at all of this crap in the world around us! Isn't it wierd? Isn't it funny? Sit in our circle and we'll let you in on the joke." Well, some of us think that we get the joke.

Is Howard Stern half Jewish?

Definitely. The question is, what is the other half? We have to differentiate between the persona that Howard plays on the radio, and the real Howard.

According to Howard's radio persona, it is not Jewish, perhaps WASP. The half-Jewish identity may be something that Howard puts on so that he can insult both Christians and Jews with impunity. However, he is equally free with insults of Muslims, Hindus, etc. It may also be something that he does to avoid anti-semitism.

Some folks on the net believe that the other half is Italian, based on something that Howard said a while back (and which he has repeated - that his mother is Italian). Others point out that you can be a Jewish Italian, so this may have been another joke. The Jewish half and the Italian half may well be the same half.

It is pretty clear based on statements that Howard's sister made on the radio that Howard, in Real Life(tm), is Jewish. Also, Howard has recently admitted, on the air, that he is all Jewish, and claimed that he was half Jewish to avoid anti-Semitism.

I want to write to Howard and tell him (what a dickhead | how wonderful) he is. What is the address?

His old studio address is:
The Howard Stern Show
600 Madison Avenue
New York, NY 10022-1603

The new studio is at:
The Howard Stern Show
40 West 57th St.
14th Floor
New York, NY 10019-4002

Howard's current phone number (F Tom) is (800) 44-STERN(78376) - This is a National Toll-Free Line. NEW!
(212) 246-KROCK (5762) - Request Line - new studio, new line. NEW!
(212) 314-9322 - K-Rock Main Number - NEW!
(212) 314-9340 - Stern Show Fax Number - NEW!

Particularly vehement and stupid hate letters are likely to get read on the air. Clueless ones well may earn a phone call.

How do I get a copy of "Crucified by the FCC"? Or any of Howard's other products, like "Butt Bongo Fiesta"? I called 1-800-52-STERN, and they didn't have a clue. I just heard about this on "Best of Stern".

They never had a clue, but at one time they could take orders for the album, and a series of videos. The album hasn't been for sale for quite a while. None of Howard's products have been on sale for quite a while. They are now collector's items. This just goes to prove that you should always buy every Howard Stern premium offered, immediately. The 1-800-52-STERN was in use for Butt Bongo Fiesta, and was then in use for for the backstage tape of New Year's Rotten Eve, but it is now turned off. And this has become an in joke.

I don't get enough bababooey in the morning. I want my computer to say 'bababooey' instead of beeping at me. I have a Mac/Amiga/Soundblaster/NeXT box that can talk, and I want it to talk.

This (alt.fan.howard-stern) is not in the binaries hierarchy. Of course, you can post anything you want. If various sysops notice that this group has become a binaries group, they will treat it like one, and those connected by phone line or concerned about disk space may not carry it. As a hint: If your sysop does not carry the alt.binaries tree, they are unlikely to carry this group if it begins carrying binaries.

If you do want to post digitized soundbytes, please post them to alt.binaries.howard-stern, alt.binaries.sounds.misc, or alt.sex.sounds, as appropriate, and post here saying that you've done so, and other things about the sounds, like maybe what the message ids are or when you posted them, or how many parts. Anything seems to go there. I've seen whole songs posted there in 41 parts. There are also postings being made to alt.fan.howard-stern.binaries.

Some additional URL's:

KOAM newsletter: http://www.koam.com/: (with pages for Tempestt, Janks, Ponce de la Phone & Kenneth Keith)
http://www.uzo.com/: Uzo Candybabe. The babe with her own domain.

Also:

http://www.animaux.net/stern/: The Complete Howard Stern Links.

I can't believe it. Do people really strip naked in Howard's studio, or is it a put on? Is it theatre of the mind, or is it really happening?

This is a pretty silly question, eh? We've all seen the E! show by now, or the Eyemark show. But at one time, when people were mostly getting Howard on the radio, this one came up all of the time. I don't know what people expected.

According to Mark Levy, yes they do. And I have it on good authority that Howard drinks Poland Spring water (Take that, Georgia!). (Note that both of these items can be seen, somewhat edited, on the E! show.)

Additionally, if you can get a copy of the New Year's Eve Pageant, there was a fair amount of 'getting naked in the studio' footage there.

I believe that some percentage of the folks who call in are bogus, but they are putting Howard on at the same time they are putting us on.

Why is is when Howard says mini-system in that ad, that everyone responds (exaggerating mini-).

A number of years ago, there was a comedian who regularly appeared on the Howard Stern radio show called Crazy Jerry, who used to do 'impersonations' in a flat voice, the most famous of which is, "This is Mother Theresa speaking from the bed. God don't want me yet, man, I got more feet to taste." Crazy Jerry brought in a 'mentally challenged' girl who had a speech impediment who used to do the 'gina dance' (figure it out) and, when she quit appearing, brought in a guy who did the 'peepee dance'. I suspect, from things alluded to by Howard, that he has agreed not to replay any of those shows, since he was convinced that the girl, especially, didn't really want to do this stuff, but was convinced by Jerry although she wasn't competent to make the decision.

The mini-skirt, gina dance, peepee dance, and "I love you, Jerry," all came from this response stuff that was done between Crazy Jerry and his sidekicks.

(Note that this is my memory talking. There is another version of this story in another faq which the author claims to have tape backup for, so they are likely right. I still like my version better. Here is the other version, verbatim:)

Q. What do you know about Gina (rhymes with Carolina) Girl?
A. In late 1988 this woman called up Howard saying she loves him and she does the 'Gina dance. Howard sensed quickly that this woman was a little "off" and he asked her if so- she said she's not retarded, just "slow". She came down to the studio with Crazy Jerry, who was not her boyfriend but more of a companion. Well she did the Gina dance, laying down naked on the floor, but almost no one really saw it - Howard and even Jackie averted their eyes because she was too heavy to be appealing. About that time Rain Man had been a hit movie, so Howard called up Gina Girl again and got her to say some lines for his new radio movie "China Girl," starring out of the closet Stern. It was in this movie that she uttered the words made famous, "mini-dress" (usually at the same time as saying "naked dance") Howard was trying to fix up Steve Rossi and Gina Gina Girl but I don't think it ever happened.

I have this all on tape and that's why I can give you this detail.

I understand that the writer, Paul Richards, now has a new address, RadioPaul9@aol.com.

What about Howard's first book? Is it any good? Can I get mine signed?

Yes, Howard Stern has a book out, called "Howard Stern's Private Parts". IMHO, and in the opinion of a number of reviewers, it is actually a worthwhile piece of literature. When I first wrote this, it was completing its second week as #1 on the New York Times best seller list, entering the list at #1. Howard says that he wrote it, but he freely gives credit to a collaborator (an essay about this appears in the book) and to his editor (who moved into his house). There is no doubt that this is a collective effort and I believe that, unlike some celebrity books, Howard did a significant amount of work on the book personally, using the professionals to help him plan and polish. I believe that it was a successful effort as well.

The above was written quite a while ago. Howard has published his new book which is now available in paperback.

For the first book, there were a number of book signings. It looks like there will be no more for the hardback (but there were some for the paperback, but those have come to an end as well). Howard attracted a record number of people to his Wall Street, NY signing (where I got mine signed, and was on FOX 5 news that night having it signed), and signed a record number of books, the previous record being held by Mohammed Ali, the boxer. (But see Howard's new book for a new record.) The problem was that the crowd was too hard to manage (according to the police), and the police wouldn't let him sign for as long as he needed to. It sounds like a new record was set in LA: 8000 books.

Personally, if I hadn't had mine signed, I'd mail it to the show, with a pleading letter, and a check for $25 (since that was what he offered a signature to the paraplegic from Cleveland for) as well as a self-addressed, postage paid mailer. At best, they will sign it and send it back, and at worst they will keep it (which is what they threatened to do when they still thought that they could have managable book signings) and you'll have to buy another copy.

Howard has put out a paperback version of the first book, with 64 new pages (but only 4-5 pages of new writing), and two different covers. The signings were events not to be missed, if you were anywhere in the area. Take the day off, take the day before off, plan on camping in line, bring a plastic bag for your book. These paperback signings seem to have stopped, but there is always hope that there will be another one.

Movie rights have been sold, and a movie is in the can, been in and out of theatres, and has been sold at popular prices. The screen play went through (six?) rewrites and the original planned director, John Avildson, quit.

Do not confuse this with the paperback book titled Howard Stern, Big Mouth, by Jeff Menell. Make up your own mind, but IMHO, this isn't worth wasting your money on.

I'm looking for a BBS related to Howard Stern.

Get over it. This is the Internet. What do you need a BBS for?

What about all these other FAQs I see here?

I think they are a great idea. More power to them. Between all of the FAQs, we'll get the Stern info to the masses. :-) If any other FAQ owners want to cross post to the answers group, I'll restructure this one so that it goes in a subdir and there is room for everyone. (This has been done. There is room for everyone. It isn't that hard to make your FAQ into a first class FAQ. Read the news.answers faq for how to crosspost there and to have your faq stored on rtfm.mit.edu.) The most notable of these is the UFAQ (Unauthorized FAQ is an oxymoron, as no one authorizes a FAQ) but I don't know what became of that. There are also a number of FAQ collections on the WEB. Follow the links above to find them.

I think that the Daniel Carver stuff is hilarious. Does anyone have his name and address?

The Daniel Carver KKK stuff is a hoot. I want to hear the KKK line on a weekly basis so that I can laugh my ass off. Also, I want to write to Daniel Carver so that I can enourage him to appear on Howard more!

It takes all kinds. The hotline number is said to be (404) 967-3479. I called the number and it didn't answer. Write Daniel at P.O. Box 446, Oakwood, GA 30566. He casts concrete lawn jockys and sells them roadside. He now has a regular spot reviewing movies on the show. "He's a bigoted hateful man, Daniel Carver of the Ku Klux Clan".

Was Howard Stern really running for Governor of New York?

Well, Howard Stern was nominated by the Libertarian Party of New York as its candidate for Governor. He had announced a reason for running, and a platform. The Libertarians are a serious party. They are considered the third largest national party, and, as a general political philosophy, believe that any coercion by government, except in very limited circumstances, is immoral.

However, it has been reported that Howard's lawyer has testified that Howard is doing this only as a publicity stunt, and furthermore, Howard himself had said that he will never comply with the financial disclosure requirements of the NYS Election laws. This means that he could never be a candidate, or that if he does run, he might be guilty of a crime, and might be prosecuted for it. Draw your own conclusions.

[As of August 4th, 1994, Howard withdrew as a candidate for Governor of New York. The apparent reason was that he did not want to comply with the financial disclosure laws.]

Following his withdrawal, he endorsed the Republican candidate for Governor of New York, George Pataki, who, shortly thereafter, proceeded to come from well behind in the polls, and who has won the election. The results indicated that in demographic groups which listen to Howard, in Howard's listening areas, last minute shifts from 'undecided' to 'Pataki' occurred.

Is Howard on the Internet?

Various rumors of various WXRK staff being on various on-line services have surfaced from time to time. Robin is said to be on Compu$erv, and Gary was/is on Prodigy. Howard has a lot of interaction with IBM. He runs Windows 95 on his laptop, and Lotus Notes. It is pretty well known that Howard read the newsgroup, and also a mailing list or two. These are gatewayed into Lotus Notes by a gateway program, possibly from IBM, so that he can replicate when he is at home, and read whenever he wants to.

His comments about the newsgroup were that it was pretty much the same sort of idiots who call in to his show. He also asked us not to fax him about his definition of the Internet (which was slightly better than his usual mutilation of computer terms. Howard may finally be starting to become computer literate). He has several systems, a home network, and so forth.

His personal networking is not internet style networking, and yes, his computer's phone number, which accidentally went out over the air in touch-tone format, has been changed.

We keep hoping that Howard will actually respond on one of the mailing lists. If he did, no one would believe he did it. Maybe he already does?

Also, it is pretty clear that he used to use OS/2 on his ThinkPad, since used to occasionally hear the standard OS/2 shutdown sounds in the background. These days, he uses Windows 95. On June 13, 1996, Howard announced that he had articles from alt.fan.howard-stern converted to Lotus Notes messages by Jeff Schick of IBM. So if you write it here, he may read it. Be interesting, use complete sentences, spell correctly, get to the point quickly, and use a meaningful subject.

And don't be stupid, you moron. If I were Howard, I wouldn't waste my time reading things that were directed specifically at me. If he is reading this, it is to read stuff written by fans from or to each other, reactions to what he doing or stuff like that. Don't use the newsgroup to send your personal messages to Howard - if that happens and the list fills with personal messages to Howard, it will become as boring as Howard's dinnertable conversations with the couples that he and Alison were supposed to be going out with.

By the way, I'm not Howard. If you write to me as if I was Howard, I'll either relay it to a few of my friends if it is real clueless, or I'll trash it.

Whatever happened to Jessica Hahn/Pat Cooper/Richard Simmons?

Howard is feuding with them, or they are feuding with Howard.

Jessica Hahn first achieved notoriety as the rape victim of Jim Bakker (a TV Evangelist, who was jailed for financial irregularities in his ministry). Howard called her up while she was hiding in her trailer in Long Island, got her in touch with some 'people' who made a deal with Playboy for big bucks, and got her a life. For a while, Jessica had a career because of this incident, her Playboy exposure, and because she was on the Howard Stern Show all of the time, mostly the latter. Jessica promised to be on the New Year's Rotten Eve PPV. Her boyfriend made her not being on the show a condition of continuing their relationship. Jessica backed out and Howard banned her from the show. It is clear to me that Howard does not want her back, unless she is willing to provide him 'good radio', which would include her doing something personally humiliating. The particular punishment now proposed is that the whole cast would pick their noses and collect a large booger, which she would roll into a ball and stick to her nose for the duration of her appearance. [Jessica is back, occasionally.]

Pat Cooper was an old line comedian who cut his teeth in the Catskill circuit (borscht belt), and whose career had fallen into the toilet because he managed to piss off everyone he had any dealings with. He managed to get an appearance on Howard's show and did good radio, and Howard had him back several times. Suddenly he was in demand, and his appearances sold out. Then, he decided that Howard had slighted him because he didn't invite him to his E! interview show. Howard pried this out of him via telephone, and invited him in, promising to put the footage on the new E! show. In his shortest appearance ever, he walked in to the Howard Stern Radio show, blasted everyone on the show, and walked out. It was great radio, and they went on about his appearance for two days. He has an open invitation back on to the show at any time, and has come back a couple of times. It seems that Pat and Howard have buried the hatchet, I'm just not sure in who. It isn't the same as it was in the old days.

Richard Simmons had a career before he got on Howard's show, as an exercise and diet guru. He seemed to have a lot of fun on Howard's show, becoming a personal friend of Howard, stopping by Howard's house for dinner, giving presents to his children, and so forth. But he had one major character flaw: He was a Barbara Streisand fan, and insisted on Howard seeing Prince of Tides with him. He ragged on Howard, on the air, until Howard promised to see Prince of Tides with Richard. But Howard can't abide Streisand, and had no intention of seeing Prince of Tides. This was the start, IMHO, of Richard's avoidance of Howard. Then, there was a tabloid report of Richard Simmons allegedly paying a bellboy to spank him in his hotel room. The next time Richard was on the Howard Stern show, Howard ragged on Richard about this, and wouldn't let it go. He never really got a true answer from Richard, but it was apparent that this affected Simmons, and he hasn't ever been back. A comment made by Gary was that Richard wasn't having fun on the show anymore. I believe that they would have Richard Simmons back if he wanted to come back. But he would have to answer some questions he does not want to answer.

Does Howard really have a small penis?

How would I know, for sure? (Don't answer that.) But this is what I know about penis size, and what Howard has said, over time, on the radio.

There are two types of men folks in the world: Those whose penises enlarge significantly when engorged because of erection, and those who do not. Typically, this does not affect the final, erect size of the penis, at least on average.

Also, typically, this is a genetic thing, and is inherited, and may also be associated with race. Those whose penises do not enlarge are at an 'advantage' in the locker room because they look larger in the flaccid state, and unless the men with the enlarging penises are in a partial state of arousal, they are at a disadvantage.

Howard claims that he is "hung like a raisin". This is clearly part of his persona. But he has also said, on the air, that it gets larger when he is aroused, and has even said that it is adequate in size at that time. We can only, therefore, assume that Howard has a small penis when not aroused, and an average size penis when aroused.

Finally, Alison Stern was interviewed for marie claire magazine. In an article titled MRS. HOWARD STERN TELLS ALL, Howard's penis size is discussed.

Not True?

"Nooo!" says Alison Stern. Then she catches herself. "OhmyGawd. I don't know if I'm allowed to say that."

Now here's a twist.

She explains. His supposed smallness is a big part of the show. "Maybe we should just say that I'm very satisfied." She thinks about that. "Yes, I'm very satisfied."

During the filming of Private Parts, Mary McCormack, who played Alison Stern's part says that she got a glimpse of Howard's genital area during a scene in which Howard was taking his pants off. Her comment was, "Normal to large." Howard denied that she could possibly have had time to see anything.

Finally, it seems that this particular question is of interest to at least some of the press. The February 21/February 28, 1997 issue of Entertainment Weekly contains a pointer to this particular question There were several errors of fact, and they garbled the, as it were, thrust, of this question so badly that my girlfriend, who has never read the FAQ, wondered if I had written that Howard had different penises that he put on for different social occasions. Some comments on this mention:

I never thought of myself as anonymous. My name, as it states in the header, is Nick Simicich. Many people have figured out that I wrote and published the FAQ. Ah, well. I can be in the New York Times but I can't be named in EW.
The url for this site changed, long ago, from http://scifi.maid.com/howard.html to http://scifi.squawk.com/howard.html. At some point, probably in the near future, the scifi.maid.com name will cease working. Please make a note of it. It is likely that the good folks at Maid-plc would rather you not think of Howard Stern when you think of their technology.
I wrote this question and answer because I noted that it came up in the newsgroup several times. This leaves the open question of, "Why is Bob Strauss so concerned with Howard's penis size?"

I've seen a new Howard Stern album in the stores! Why isn't Howard hyping it?

"Unclean Beaver" is a re-issue of an old (1982) album, originally titled "50 Ways to Rank Your Mother" that was issued before Howard came to WNBC New York. Howard has mentioned it on the air a few times. He wrote a deal that caused him to not recieve any money when this album was first produced, and probably would rather that you not buy this album. The Howard Stern on this album is a very early version of the Howard Stern we now hear on the air. There are a few very funny bits on the album: Neil Young's Cat is a timeless bit of humor that captures the essense of Neil's singing ability. "Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, OJ" shows that OJ really was never able to hide his essense from Howard. Material that didn't wear as well, such as the "Unclean Beaver" episodes still give one an insight into the early Washington shows.

Since Howard says that you shouldn't buy it, I suppose that you should do penance if you buy it by making copies for anyone who asks. Someone taped a copy of the record for me back in 1982 (which is why Howard didn't make any money on it, I guess) and that was my first exposure to Howard. I thought it was funny and topical back then.

Howard Stern's Second Book

Howard Stern's second book was due out November 14, 1995. The title of the book is Howard Stern, Miss America. On November 6th, the lawyers from the Miss America pageant note that "Miss America" is a trademark of the Miss America Pageant, and were reported to be seeking an injunction preventing the sale of the books. This fizzled out - the lawyers for Miss America never actually brought anything to court.

Much of the information in this question is old: Howard's second book is now out in paperback. There is some new information in the second book, but Howard didn't hype it: He is hyping the movie now.

Howard decided to put his book on sale early as a preemptive strike against the Miss America Pageant's threatened attempt to block sale of the book. As of November 7, 1995, it is on sale, but who knows for how long? If the Miss America Pageant people carry through with their threat to block sale of the book, these books that are purchased now will be true collector's items, and if not, then these will be first editions, first printings. In any case, Howard Stern fans should call or visit their local book store and buy their copy as soon as possible. Perhaps the best strike against the Miss America people would be to clean out the distribution channels before the lawyers have a chance to move. Then, if Howard's publishers have to pull and re-title the book, it won't hurt them as bad.

But none of this happened. Releasing the book early worked, Miss America didn't sue, and it sold very well.

Some of the early books have pages that are upside down.

Chapters about

Computer Sex.
Michael Jackson.
Mental Illness.
Phony phone callers.
Celebrities Howard loves.

and more!

Photos of Jackie's butt. Photos of the phony phone callers.

Get yours today!

The books are generally available (now in paperback). A book signing schedule has been announced and book signings have occured. Book signings are now over. Listen to the show or watch alt.fan.howard-stern for details.

Howard's first book sold out pretty much everywhere you could hear his show on the air, because the publishers were not willing to invest in large printings. Therefore, the book went into multiple printings pretty quickly. This time, the publishers were convinced, and they first printing run was extremely large. So now that shipping has completed, the book is available pretty much everywhere.

Howard's announced upcoming signings, as of Wednesday, November 22:

Wednesday, November 29th, San Francisco, Virgin Megastore, 2 Stockton at Market, 11 AM - 2 PM (past) (For a commercial tape documenting this happening, see http://scifi.squawk.com/in-howard-we-trust.html.)
Thursday, 2 AM, they will do the show from the Monkey Bar, sleep, then The Tonight Show, sleep again, then the show again at 2 AM Friday, probably from the Monkey Bar again. (past)
Friday, December 1st, Los Angeles, Borders Books, Westwood Blvd, 2 blocks from Wilshire. (past) This signing set a new record for the number of books signed by an author in a single session. Howard says he signed almost 20000 books.
Saturday, December 9th, 1995, there is supposed to be a signing in Philadelphia at Tower Books, at 10:00 AM. Call them or listen to the show for details. If he goes to Philadelphia at all, the signing will be limited to three hours. Details are supposed to be announced on December 6th. Right now (December 5) Howard thinks he will cancel it because he thinks that three hours isn't enough. But today, December 6th, the book signing is back on. We are told that he can stay as long as he wants, but if I were going I'd get there real early.
The last book signing will be in Cleveland on December 19th, 1995. Howard says he will sign the book of anyone who gets in line before 10:00 AM. Barnes and Noble Bookstores, 5900 Mayfield Road, in the old Mayfield Theater building, in Mayfield Heights. It is '2 hours' from Pittsburgh, according to Howard. This signing is now past, and no more are promised.

And, by the way, we never heard from the Miss America pageant lawyers.

Extra! Howard's LA book signing set a new world record for the number of books signed in a single session. Howard's signed 15000-20000 copies of Howard Stern, Miss America. Howard's book was on sale as of 7 November 1995.

What kind of Music does Howard like, and what does his flagship radio station play?

Howard's flagship station, WXRK-FM in New York, has undergone a format change. This was because, basically, they were playing crappy music (badly selected classic rock) and had no significant ratings outside of Howard's time slot.

They have changed to a format similar to KOME (Howard's San Jose, California station) which features a mix of music, much of which is from this decade, and which is more of today's rock.

As far as what music Howard likes, I suggest that you look for theSoundtrack Album from Private Parts, The Movie. What he says he likes are things like White Zombie and Marylin Manson - and whatever band happens to be in the studio that day. He likes Gravity Kills, and, early in 1997, said, "I recommend their new CD. I listened to it all vacation - loved it."

I would like to post to alt.fan.howard-stern, but for some reason, I can't use my news software to do it. Is there any way I could mail my posts somewhere?

If you mail your posts to alt-fan-howard-stern@scifi.squawk.com, and they aren't all quotes and there is nothing odd about them, they will get posted. Note that this works for only a few groups that I have a personal interest in, and not for all newsgroups in general. (This is currently disabled - I'm going to get it working at some point in the near future).

What about Howard's movie?

What about it? It is real, it is done, and you can buy or rent the tape. It was based on Howard's first book, Private Parts. Howard talked about it almost every day on the radio show. The announced Premere date is March 7th, 1997. Howard was going to get Madison Square Garden, and is now considering something else. It is a Paramount production.

During a "vacation" (which ended June 3, 1996), Howard apparently worked on the film every day. He worked on it almost every spare minure through the third quarter and end of 1996.

The movie was a critical success. Fans of the radio show had a range of opinions about it. They did a test screening in LA, which Howard attended, and the movie got a standing ovation. Fans? I don't know, but I'm looking forward to it. The movie followed the basic text of Private Parts, showing Howard's early life and what made him what he is today.

After a long string of personal appearances, Howard's movie came out. It did very well - more than made its investment back. But in order for it to be judged a success by some critics, it would have needed to make 250 million. 65 million on a movie that cost 28 million to make was a 'flop', according to the Howard hating critics.

What do people mean when they tell me to call 1-800-52-STERN and order a clue? Is this an in-joke?

Yes, Howard has offered a number of merchandise items in the past. The 1-800-52-STERN number was owned by "Professional Ordering Services", which was Howard's fulfillment house. People will frequently tell others to dial 1-800-52-STERN, or 1-718-BAG5040 (Scott's number ) or 1-516-922-WINE (Jackie's joke line number). The joke is that long time listeners have heard the number so many times that even though we are siezed by Altzheimer's Disease, in the terminal stages when most all of our memory is gone, peeing in our pants because we like the warm feeling it gives us, and don't know our close friends, relatives or family, we will still remember 1-800-52-STERN.

What about censorship on the Howard Stern Show?

The FCC has fined Howard Stern a record amount for Indecency. As a reaction to this, the station has cracked down on Howard. It is believed by many that the hated Tom has a button in his office, and can hear the station before any of the delays take effect. When he hears something he does not like, he can press the button, and "dump" it. Dumping is electronic - the sound is digitized, and held in a buffer for a few seconds, then it is restored. Once there is a dump, you can hear the audio quality change as the delay electronically alters the sound to "build it up" again. It sort of warbles.

Howard also has a button, and I believe that Robin does as well. If anyone accidentally curses, or if a caller curses, Howard will hit the button. Sometimes a guest will explain something in a straightforward manner, or use one of the seven dirty words, and Howard will dump it and then explain it more delicately.

Additionally, the stations other than WXRK all have a delay. This delay is one minute for stations that broadcast on the East Coast, and hours for stations that delay. The engineer uses this delay to match the beginnings and ends of the commercial breaks, They are supposed to listen to the show in real time, and then simply match the local breaks to the network breaks. Some stations may also use this delay to edit the show. This option means that the FCC can't simply listen in New York and fine every station in the network.

But the next time you hear a word cut off in the middle, and the next sentence doesn't follow what was just said, and then a bit of warbling in the sound, it is likely that someone in management at WXRK has been at it again. Don't blame them, even though they are idiots. Blame the administration and the FCC.

Mega-smega-dildoes? What does that mean? Why do people say that when they call Howard?

The corpulent pumpkinhead, Rush Limbaugh, has lackeys who say, "dittos" or "mega-dittos" to compliment him when they talk to him. His brainless followers are called "dittoheads". They begin many phone conversations with the "megadittos" phrase.

One day, an apparrently misguided fan, in an effort to get through the "love your show" phase of his conversation with Howard, used the mega-dittos phrase when talking to Howard. Howard seemed mildly offended, and after a little discussion, said, "Don't say mega-dittos, say mega-dildoes." That rapidly turned into smega-dildoes and into smega-dildoes, and then into mega-smega-dildoes.

A dildo, for those of you who don't know, is a phallic sexual aid. "Smega" is believed to be a rhyming corruption of smegma, which is defined as a cheesy substance (sebaceous secretion) which collects under the foreskin of uncircumcised males, or near the clitoris and labia minora of females.

Mega-smega-dildoes to you, too.

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